It’s been a while since I last posted anything other than a book review but much has happened over the past week. Last Wednesday, we got the news that one of my uncles passed away. This set off a large chain reaction of what can be termed “funerary happenings”.
My uncle died on Wednesday and he lived in Scarborough along with his wife. Almost all of his immediate family are in Scarborough but the majority of his other relatives are in Montreal whereas I and most of my siblings are in Toronto.
So, we had to coordinate bringing in another uncle and aunt, my Father, a cousin and his wife. Luckily, my Mother is currently visiting with us in Toronto. The biggest source of confusion was how was everyone going to get to Toronto (or Scarborough) and where were they going to stay? They certainly could not stay with the widow and her family since they were pretty full up and had two other siblings and their husbands coming into town.
Since the out-of-towners aren’t rich, after much investigation over a couple of days, it was decided that they would all travel to Scarborough by bus. Ugh! I hate using the bus and would have much preferred that they travelled by train. As Via says, it’s a more humane way to travel or somesuch marketingspeak. I then booked hotel rooms for everyone concerned. I didn’t realize that there was such a thing as a “funeral” rate until the hotel asked what all of the rooms were for. The discount was a good 30% off so I was pretty impressed but the relatives still were a bit concerned about the price. I have to say it but Travelodge is definitely not the same as Hilton or the Royal York.
It soon became clear that I was also expected to drive everyone from the bus station (at Scarborough Town Center) to the hotel and, then, to the funeral home for visitation on Sunday. Much agonizing over the cost of a two-day rental for a full-sized vehicle for one who is currently unemployed.
Sunday was a real zoo of a day and it wasn’t because of the visitation either. A good friend of mine was in town for the day from Gettysburg, PA and we decided to meet up in the morning for brunch. Haven’t seen her in well over 6 years so it was great to see both her, her husband and their son. The latter was a lot better behaved than I had expected and it went well.
Then, it was a rush downtown to pick up the rental vehicle. Pick up my Mother and siblings…drive out to Scarborough in the process of which I became a bit lost. Well, not exactly lost but rather I missed the turn-off for Kennedy Rd. because I was in the Express lanes on the 401 and could not get across three lanes of traffic without turning everyone’s hair white. I also really hate driving in unfamiliar areas when it’s raining since the car is bound to fog up and you can’t use the sun to navigate by.
Managed to get to the funeral home in pretty good time despite the slight detour and, then, it was off to pick up the out-of-towners at the bus depot. Never been to Scarborough Town Center so this was going to be fun. To my surprise, the actual drive to the shopping mall and finding them was pretty easy. And, all five of them, managed to stuff themselves into the Ford Taurus. Bless Budget Rent-a-Car for that!
Then, we proceeded to get really lost driving to the hotel. The Travellodge is off of a main street tucked into a business area and we kept driving past it one way or another. I think that we must have spent a good fifteen to twenty minutes zipping around the area before we finally stumbled onto it. It would not have been this difficult if the sun was out and, if I had had bothered to print out the directions. The latter was because it just did not seem that difficult to find the place! Grrr…
Got everyone to the funeral home in good order and with time to spare.
Uncle had very few friends in Toronto/Scarborough. He had basically followed his children from Montreal a few years back so almost everyone there was a relative. One of the first things to strike me was the fact that they had a chanting Buddhist priest present. No one in the family is Buddhist but the family was given a choice between a Buddhist priest or a Christian one. Maybe they were confused?
It was odd to see uncle lying there. I’m no stranger to death but I felt pretty detached from the whole thing. Maybe it was because I didn’t like him much. We have a bit of a history way back when. The biggest shock was seeing how poorly the makeup was applied! I had to look a couple of times between his face and that of his picture next to him. The picture was a LOT better than the pasty-gray mannequin in the coffin. Also, I thought that they could have done a lot better when it came to clothing him.
Made a series of notes to self…if I were to pop off:
- Burial in Montreal.
- No chanting priest but an Anglican choir would be nice.
- Make sure to be buried in my best clothes.
- Decide on post-visitation dinner menu.
- Either assign seating or make sure to mix-and-match family and friends.
- Assign gravediggers or funeral attendants to manually shovel the dirt.
- My lying, deceitful ex - Lyne (or MsMittens) is not to be allowed to the visitation or funeral.
Took quite a few photos of everything. The main conversations took place in a backroom where my Mother seemed to hold court for a while. Lot of circulation going on but it was a quiet time.
After six pm, almost the entire gathering moved to the widow’s condo for more talking. This will probably be the only time that almost the entire paternal side of my family will ever get together. My uncle’s family had dinner reservations at a local restaurant so we soon headed there. I’ll be adding another note to self about arranging for the menu.
Dinner was so-so. For some reason, “special” menus don’t seem to have much “special” about them.
We all managed to make it home and in bed by around ten pm or so. I really hate driving a car full of people who are steaming up the windows on a rainy night.
Next day was a gorgeous day! My immediate family and I managed to get to the funeral home well ahead of even my uncle’s family! They decided to take a short walk around the neighbourhood while I proceeded to become lost once again in trying to find the hotel where my father/uncle/aunt/cousins had spent the night. Who’d have thought that there were two Esso stations so close to one another on Sheppard Avenue? I was supposed to turn at one and not at the other.
Also, got into a shouting match with a taxi driver who thought that I was stealing his fare. Grrrr…
Funeral was small…just a tad fewer people than the day before. Seating was a bit odd with my cousin from Montreal being seated on the other side of the room which is bound to, in the future, lead to ill-will. I’m sure that it was not intentional but, again, it will be brought up ad nauseum in the future. Another note to self!
Pallbearer duty was not difficult when it came to moving the coffin into the hearse. More on this later! The funeral procession proceeded to the cemetary with a detour to my deceased uncle’s condo to set up his picture there. My biggest concern was the fact that the fuel light in my car kept warning that I was down to fumes. I was very happy that we were going at a slow pace of around 20-30 km/hr and didn’t need to accelerate very much.
The cemetary is actually located further into the city of Toronto than I had expected. I thought that he was going to be buried in some windswept out-of-the-way grave that no one can visit unless they were willing to make a major trek out of it. In his case, it’s going to be a minor trek. It was also unexpected that there was still room in the cemetaries in the city. Of course, once the baby boomers start dying off it’s going to be a different story.
The cemetary was also a “mixed” cemetary with no separation of race or ethnicity unlike the one in Montreal. Not sure, though, if that is still the case in Mtl.
There was a bit of confusion about which way his head and tombstone would be facing. This was the point where the pallbearer duty became a bit interesting as we proceeded to swing and maneuver the coffin around the various gravesites and tombstones. One of the pallbearers actually threw out his back and had to be replaced!
Ceremony was nice and dignified but, then, the family asked everyone to stay as they proceeded to lower the coffin into the ground. Actually, into a separate sarcophagus which was news to me. I wonder why they did that? What felt undignified was when the cemetary workers proceeded to bring in a backhoe to finish the burial process. Another note to self. It just felt…I don’t know…”mechanical” is one word that comes to mind.
The rest of the day was pretty mundane with lunch, departing relatives, and errand-running.